Do you ever think about how to intentionally love your man?
This month I celebrated 22 years of marriage.
My husband reminded me that we have been together, longer than we have been apart.
What an accomplishment!
I say that with all humility.
Selflessness, forgiveness and most importantly, surrender to God, are crucial ingredients for a solid marriage.
And those things aren’t always easy!
How can we be intentional in our marriage?
One way is to learn how to love your man the way he wants to be loved and do those things on purpose.
Yes, I said on purpose.
Because we can have great intentions of doing something, but unless we have a plan, those intentions will never become a reality.
We’ve all heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life”. But the truth is, a happy hubby makes a happy home as well.
As wives, it is in the best interest of our marriage to meet our husband’s needs.
Now I’m not saying that their sole source of happiness should come from us, that isn’t realistic or biblical.
But as I read this passage this morning, I gained a greater understanding of what it means to love my man.
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40 NIV
I can’t think of a closer neighbor than my spouse.
And I can’t think of a better way of loving him than to serve his needs.
Not because I have to, but because I love him and want to make him happy.
I can do this by being intentional about what’s important to him.
Here are 5 things you can do to love your man in a way he will appreciate:
This is a biggie. Just like I need quality time to feel loved by my hubby, he needs sex to feel loved by me.
It only took me 20 years of marriage to figure this out!
Sex is to men, as talk is to women.
But it’s not just the act of sex that is meaningful to a husband, but the act of being pursued by his wife.
He wants to know that she still finds him attractive and is interested in him in that way.
One of the best ways I can love my man is by buying a little lingerie and initiating sex.
This lets him know that I’ve been thinking about him throughout the day and that I’m making him a priority.
Be that soft place to fall
One of the things I constantly hear my husband say is that he needs a soft place to come home to.
The world is a tough place and our men are out there getting bombarded by stressful situations all day long.
Not to mention the visual stimulation they experience.
There is a constant war for their attention and what they want when they get home is a soft place to relax.
Now I have to admit, that this is not my strong suit.
Nor have I arrived in this area.
But it is something I’m working on.
Being with kids all day can make it really difficult to be loving and compassionate when my husband arrives home.
I’m learning that he loves it when I shield him from the kids when he gets home and greet him with a kiss.
He wants to be welcomed by me and have a little down time before jumping into daddy role.
What does your husband like? Have you asked him lately?
If this is an area you need to grow in, perhaps a welcome home kiss is a great place to start!
Arrange a date night
Alone time is crucial for a good marriage, especially if you have small children.
We all need a break away from the kids.
The older my kids are getting, I’m realizing how important this is.
When they leave, I will be left with an empty home and an empty marriage if I don’t get intentional about spending time with my husband.
I want us to be more in love and excited to spend time together when our kids leave our house.
That takes investment.
We’ve incorporated date night.
Date night for us looks different every week.
We may go to dinner, watch a movie, or sit on a swing at the lakefront.
Regardless of what we do, making date night a priority is the most important thing.
Add some adventure to your life
For some of you this may be very easy.
For me, not so much!
I’m a cautious person by nature and I don’t love wild, adventurous things.
However, my husband is very adventurous.
Nothing would make him happier than me planning a little fun outing for us to experience together.
Have I done this yet?
No. I’m preaching to the choir here.
This is something I desperately need to do.
But I am on my way to doing this.
My husband and I have been talking lately about how we can have fun together now that the kids are older.
Although our ideas of “fun” are different, we can find a middle ground.
There are times of give and take in marriage. This is definitely a take for me.
I’m having to think outside my little box of fun and explore the ideas that seem crazy and a little scary, because it’s important to my hubby.
Support him as head of the house
God ordained the husbands as the head of the household.
That can be a hard thing for some of us.
Because I spend all day managing the household, I sometimes struggle with letting go of the reigns when my hubby gets home.
Yet, that doesn’t change the truth of God’s Word.
“Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 NLT (emphasis mine)
Although I know I have victory in Christ, my flesh still tries to rise up in this area at times.
But I also know that nothing brings my husband greater honor as when I support him as the head of the house.
God made it that way.
What I have found interesting is that when I back him up in front of the kids, they gain more respect for him and me.
It provides order. The right order.
Do you know what how to love your man the way he wants to be loved?
If not, I challenge you to find out today and be intentional about loving him in a way that makes him happy. When we get intentional in this area, we will begin to see changes in them and in our relationship.